Michelle’s Bio:

Michelle Dwyer’s love for writing began in high school. She’d studied creative writing and soon after, longed to become a published author. However circumstances arose, causing her to join the military while pursuing business classes instead.   

Despite receiving high accolades for her military service, she felt incomplete. When the opportunity presented itself, she finished her first romantic/crime novel and enrolled in the writing course given by the Long Ridge Writers' Group, all while completing her MBA. When she graduates from Texas A&M this fall, she will pursue her MFA in creative writing.

Through all that she has overcome, Michelle realizes that every experience, good and bad, has led her back to what she is supposed to be doing—creating stories that compel people to think.   

Between graduate school and rearing two beautiful kids, this single mother writes articles as a premier writer on the Helium website under the pen name Krymzen Hall.   She invites you to read her work at http://www.helium.com/users/421563/show_articles.

Reflection

By Michelle Dwyer

 

I'm over quota. And I know you're tired of listening to me. I wish I could go back and retrieve the second to the last speech. But just like a snapshot, the best pose can never be duplicated. Every time I sit before you, I think I've captured it. But when I try to deliver the message, it gets lost in translation, as if my words passed through a dozen kids sitting in a circle.

You've always been my best friend, and you've always been there for me. I make no apologies for my selfishness.

Please don't think I've dismissed your advice. I carry it with me. Your insight, your rationale, your grit. I treasure you. But I feel callous for breaking a man’s heart, no matter how much I justify it with my unhappiness, or his aggression. It's ironic. I never thought it would be this painful to break up with the main source of my pain.

The years have been challenging. Most of my friends gave up on me the same way they gave up on buying lottery tickets. After the last failed payoff, they stopped hoping. But I've come to realize that I can trust you, more than anybody. You always have my back, no matter how many times I fail to follow through.

He and I enjoyed some good times. Remember London?

But the good times do not stand alone. It takes ten finely-crafted, cherished memories to dilute the negative effects of just one nightmare moment from the past. One cruel remark, one brazen statement made out of anger, becomes indelible.

And I don't feel relief when he tries to compensate for his unforgiving voice and misguided hands. Whisking me off to Europe only ends the fight, not his ways. He will engage me again. Then another ten tries and another ten cities will mask the hurt until the cycle repeats itself.

There has to be something more functional, more concrete, for me somewhere.

I love him, with all that I am. But somewhere along the line, I allowed our boundaries to blur. Where does he stop and where do I start?  

I plan on finding out.

My car keys seem heavier than normal. But then again, so does my soul, so does my heart. However once I break the news, I will feel lifted. His world will be shattered. Hopefully he will get help and find closure. I plan to.

And when I cry, I know you'll be my windshield wipers, my life-vest to carry me through the rising water. Times will be rough for me at first. He and I will not be friends. I need a clean break and I will not insult him with the cliché.

You're a constant, and I thank you for it. When I return, you'll be the hands to pick up the pieces, and the eyes to help me pick up the pieces I can't see. And I know the decision to leave him for you is the right one.

Let me adjust the mirror and look at you from a different angle. They say reflection is good for the soul. I say it's good to see the real me, clearly, without clouded self-esteem. Gosh, I’m pretty. It’s sad that I didn’t discover my beauty until he burned my face. But his arson has lit a fire inside me. I am a symbol of beauty and strength. And as long as I breathe, I will relish life while helping others to confront their own reflections.

Yes, I will take a stand, by taking the stand next week.

I'm leaving now, for the prison, to tell him it’s over and that I will testify against him. When I come back, I know I'll have you to grow with, to experience life with, and to seek truth with. My dreams are your dreams, and it feels good to finally realize I have somebody to share them with. And my future accomplishments will not be for the amusement and glory of others. They will be for me. And eventually, I will find a better man to share them with.  A man that sees past the battle scar on my cheek. A man that realizes what I have to offer.

But don't worry.

I've learned from the past. I've grown from its memories.

And I will never forget about you again.

***