Runner Up: Stephanie Haefner
Depew, New York
Congratulations, Stephanie!
Stephanie’s Bio:
Stephanie Haefner is a novelist of women's fiction and chick lit, currently working on her third novel and at least a dozen other short works and essays! She has taken top 10 and top 25 honors in fiction contests in the past and continues to learn and grow in her writing.
Stephanie is the mother of one energetic and outgoing almost 5 year old girl with another little one on the way. She is also the daughter of an amazing and caring woman, the inspiration for her essay. She is shown in the photo with her, a shot taken during their fabulous Mother/Daughter vacation earlier this year!
A Quest for Answers
By Stephanie Haefner
Many things in our lives go unexplained. Some things we wish there were reasons for, mainly the times in our lives when we feel desperation and sorrow. We need a scapegoat, someone to blame. Some of us spend years trying to find those answers and regardless, they still are unattainable. The quest for answers can lead us down a dark and narrow path, most times alone and afraid, the walls closing in, claustrophobia setting in. The why and how become more than just questions, they become our only source of motivation to do anything in life. Without those questions hammering at our conscious mind, we have nothing.
Then there are the other events in life that go unexplained. Wonderful things happen to us and we praise the heavens exclaiming our thanks but never wonder how they’ve come about. We find ourselves at bliss and become fearful to even ask the questions. Should we test fate? It has handed us something amazing, who are we to ask why? We revel in our happiness, enjoying it, knowing it could end at any time. The bad stuff could be just around the corner.
When I was but a few months old, my mother took me to a social gathering at the home of a relative. The gathering brought together women of all ages and relations to the hostess; some sisters, some aunts, some friends. As a sales woman presented her plastic wares, passing bowls with air-tight lids, my mother passed me to open arms who rather examine the cooing bundle before them than the latest trend in food storage.
The years passed after that simple gathering of women and my young life had changed so much. At the age of three and a half, it was missing one major component: a mother. The woman who once cuddled me and smiled at me found herself in need of answers, leaving me in search of them. Did she feel desperation and sorrow? Was something missing in her life that she needed to find? In her search for the what and why, she left my father in need of his own answers. How would he raise a child all by himself? How would he make a happy and complete life for us?
Fate was to thank the day he found our answer. Our resolution came in the form of a woman. She entered into our lives when we needed her most and was more than willing to step into the roles of wife and mother all in the same day. She cared for us both with compassion and love, giving us what we were missing and more. She guided me as a child, bandaging my wounds, cooling my warm head. Then as a young adult, it was she who helped me through the awkwardness and guided me on the right paths. Today I owe so much of who I am to her. She has taught me firsthand how important it is to love unconditionally and how a family is not necessarily made by blood. A family is the people who care for you without hesitation or limitation.
As an adult, many times I wanted to ask my mother why she left, if she found what she was looking for. And if she did, was it much better than what she left behind? But the more I wondered about the answers, the less I really wanted them. I wasn’t going to become one of those people on a never ending quest for the truth. I was happy with my reality and would the answers really help me? I felt they wouldn’t. My life was forever changed when she left but because of one amazing woman, it became the best life for me.
Not too long ago my family was reminiscing about old memories and talked about how my father and stepmother met. I had heard the story several times, recalling how his brother and her sister who been friends for years introduced them at a summer cookout. I was also told that she, the woman who raised me and has loved me for most of my life, the one I call mom, was at that same social gathering of women when I was but a few months old. She came to the party out of friendly obligation, like so many of us do for girlfriends who host candle parties, home decoration parties and the like. She came expecting to purchase a new bowl or kitchen gadget and in addition, got the chance to hold the party’s tiniest guest. She held me in her arms that day, the future unknown to her as well, a moment of unsung serendipity. A connection was made between us, I am sure of that, and that force is what brought her to us some three years later and has kept our family strong for over twenty-five years.
As I look forward to the future, she as a grandmother to my children, I feel warmth and happiness that they will also know her generosity. We are a family, through all life’s turns, bends and loop-de-loops. I know that if a time ever comes that we find ourselves in need of answers, well find them together.
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